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They’ve been less frequent lately but they still exist … Mornings where I awake at 3:00 AM with thoughts rolling around in my head that won’t go away.  Hopefully these pensive, sleepless nights will always exist; hopefully they’ll just continue to fade but never fully disappear because they bring me something that no longer exists in hours when the sun shines.

Sometimes,  its very peaceful and enriching sitting all alone in a dark house with only the refrigerator fan or a jingle of the dogs collar to interrupt the science.  When those sounds cease, the silence is perfect, the dark is perfect save the light seeping in through the windows from a cloudless night sky.  I sit alone in the quiet dark, closing my eyes so the only thing I recognize is my breath and the thoughts that still prevail from when I awoke. 

Sometimes, the thoughts in my head are so overwhelming that I sit in the darkness and pray for them to go away so I can return to sleep.  I never pray for those thoughts to completely disappear; my prayer is always for peace with the thoughts that have made me who I am and, in many ways, bring me peace as well.

Tonight it’s a song that was with me at 3:00 AM playing over and over as I stare at the ceiling.  So, as usual, I descended the stairs to my premolded chair I always find at this time of the morning trying to chase away my thoughts and get back to bed.  I close my eyes enjoying perfect darkness and quiet; chasing away existence and listen to this tune roll through my head …

Just yesterday morning, they let me know you were gone.
Suzanne, the plans they made put an end to you.
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song,
I just can’t remember who to send it to.

I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end.
I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, but I always thought that I’d see you again.

Won’t you look down upon me, Jesus, You’ve got to help me make a stand.
You’ve just got to see me through another day.
My body’s aching and my time is at hand and I won’t make it any other way.
Oh, I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end.
I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend, but I always thought that I’d see you again.

Been walking my mind to an easy time, my back turned towards the sun.
Lord knows when the cold wind blows it’ll turn your head around.
Well, there’s hours of time on the telephone line to talk about things to come.
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground.

Oh, I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end.
I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend,
but I always thought that I’d see you baby, one more time again, now.

Thought I’d see you one more time again.
There’s just a few things coming my way this time around, now.
Thought I’d see you, thought I’d see you, fire and rain, now.

Fire and Rain – James Taylor 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwugjyeSKx4

 

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