They’ve been less frequent lately but they still exist … Mornings where I awake at 3:00 AM with thoughts rolling around in my head that won’t go away. Hopefully these pensive, sleepless nights will always exist; hopefully they’ll just continue to fade but never fully disappear because they bring me something that no longer exists in hours when the sun shines.
Sometimes, its very peaceful and enriching sitting all alone in a dark house with only the refrigerator fan or a jingle of the dogs collar to interrupt the science. When those sounds cease, the silence is perfect, the dark is perfect save the light seeping in through the windows from a cloudless night sky. I sit alone in the quiet dark, closing my eyes so the only thing I recognize is my breath and the thoughts that still prevail from when I awoke.
Sometimes, the thoughts in my head are so overwhelming that I sit in the darkness and pray for them to go away so I can return to sleep. I never pray for those thoughts to completely disappear; my prayer is always for peace with the thoughts that have made me who I am and, in many ways, bring me peace as well.
Tonight it’s a song that was with me at 3:00 AM playing over and over as I stare at the ceiling. So, as usual, I descended the stairs to my premolded chair I always find at this time of the morning trying to chase away my thoughts and get back to bed. I close my eyes enjoying perfect darkness and quiet; chasing away existence and listen to this tune roll through my head …
Fire and Rain – James Taylor